Pinewood Derby Foul-ups

Date: Fri, 28 Oct 1994 00:25:54 -0500
From: "Michael F. Bowman" <mfbowman@CAP.GWU.EDU>
Subject: Pinewood Derby Run Amuck
To: Multiple recipients of list SCOUTS-L <SCOUTS-L%TCUBVM.BITNET@pucc.Princeton.EDU>

Fred Maslan,

Here's a short list of things that have or could go wrong:

• 1. Wheels fly off in various directions
• 2. Car doesn't move when starter handle is flipped
• 3. Car takes the lead then stops a hair short of finish
• 4. Car leaps from track colliding with onlookers
• 5. Lever used to release cars gets stuck in shut position
• 6. Electric timers start to show results before cars cross finish line
• 7. Parent won't let Scout or anyone else touch car
• 8. Car weighs too much
• 9. Car is whittled down so much that it falls apart going down track
• 10. Smart scout drills hole in rear and inserts booster engine with remote controlled igniter
• 11. Stray dog enters through open door and borrows a car to use as a chew toy
• 12. Car has an obscenity painted on it
• 13. Car loses one wheel crossing the other tracks knocking each of the cars off track
• 14. Little brother/sister puts bubble gum on axles to help hold on wheels
• 15. Pack has pit crew to help with last minute adjustments; e.g. adding or removing weight, lubricating wheels, etc. Leader removing weights accidentally breaks car into pieces
• 16. Cubmaster announcing race with microphone who ate too many baked beans at Pack concession stand makes an unscoutlike raspberry sound - every one looks at him and no one sees which car crossed the finish line first
• 17. Excited mother is cheering son on through successive raises in one of tougher finals, he wins and she faints falling over the track, enter rescue team that decides to use a section of the track as a backboard, shortening the race (pun intended) :)
• 18. Tacking nail holding center strip in one lane comes lose and as car heads down, it suddenly pops out and the warped strip pops up flipping car in the air
• 19. Car has so much oil on axles that it creates an oil slick all down the lane, closing it for the rest of the race
• 20. Two cubs think they both made the same car (obviously a parent told them it was their car)
• 21. Nobody will claim one of the cars and it races to victory as the great unknown, but ugly as sin winner
• 22. On the great race day everyone shows up and the track assemblers discover that a section is missing - oops
• 23. On the great race day everyone shows up and the track assemblers discover that a section that was used in the school display window has old cars glued in place thanks to a thoughtful den leader
• 24. Very thin car runs off the end of the track, across waxed floor and lodges under a coke machine that is bolted in place
• 25. After winners are announced three Scouts show up and want to know when the race will begin
• 26. Cubmaster's car gets switched with a Scout's car in one race and is the only one not to cross the finish line
• 27. Pack has family races after Pack races are done, two adults get in a fight over whether one cheated on weight or design
• 28. During the last races, police enter and tell everyone to evacuate immediately due to a gas leak, they lock the building, the janitor that opened the building for you goes home with the key
• 29. The electronic timer shorts out and starts smoking
• 30. You have the big one (heart attack) when the car your son actually made all by himself wins beating the ones crafted in design shops

Hope this helps bring a bit of mirth.

Yours in Scouting,

Michael F. Bowman, a/k/a Professor Beaver Deputy District Commissioner Exploring, GW Dist., NCAC, BSA
Speaking only for myself, but with Scouting Spirit . . .
____ mfbowman@CAP.GWU.EDU ____