Two Cubs arrive early for the meeting. To kill time, they pull out some marbles and begin a friendly game. When Akela calls to start the meeting Cub #2 grabs all the marbles. Cub #l objects strongly, saying they were playing for "funzies". Cub #2, all the marbles now in his pocket, yells back that he was playing for "keepsies". Pushing and grabbing soon follow, your evening is delayed, and everyone is annoyed.
Conflict in the pack is a normal, albeit frustrating part of helping children learn to work together. When Cubs lack social training or have not been taught any kind of conflict resolution process suited to 10 year olds, every problem becomes your problem. If your pack is having trouble following the rules, you might want to try two ideas suitable for Cub-age children to use in resolving personal conflict.
Once upon a time, there was a Cub named Al who was always getting into fights. He finally found a way to deal with his problems. Whenever he had a problem with another person, he did this.
A - Agree with the other person to solve the problem
L - Listen to what each person has to say and how each feels
S - Summarize the problem and agree on a solution
Step 1: Agree to solve the problem. The ground rules are:
- No interrupting when the other person talks;
- No name calling or put downs;
- Be honest and tell the truth.
Step 2:
- Cub #1 describes what happened and how he or she feels. Cub #2 restates what Cub #1 said.
- Cub #2 describes what happened and how he or she feels. Cub #1 restates what Cub #2 said.
Step 3: Agree what the issue is and brainstorm solutions. Cub #1 and #2 agree on a solution.
Step 4: The Cubs make a verbal agreement to follow through on the solution they came up with.
You can teach this process to Cubs by showing everyday problems in a skit or simple role-playing activity. Take the example of the fight over marbles. Read it to the pack. Have two leaders take the roles of the Cubs and show how to solve the problem. the scenario might go like this.
Cub #1: Listen, I don't want to fight. Do you want to solve our problem or not?
Cub #2: Ok, I want to solve the problem.
Cub #1: I wanted to play marbles with you. But you took all my marbles and that's all I have. That's why I wanted to play for funzies. I'm feeling sad because you've taken them all and won't give them back.
Cub #2: You said you were playing for funzies because those are your only marbles. You're sad because now I have them all. I thought we were playing for keepsies. I won the game so I took your marbles and I'm mad because I don't want to give them back to you.
Cub #1: You said you thought we were playing for keepsies and you are mad because you don't want to give the marbles back.
Cub #2: Do you have any solutions?
Cub #1: Maybe next time we should call if we are playing for funzies or keepsies. How about you?
Cub #2: That's okay with me. Let's call it a "do over". You can have your marbles back.
Cub #1: So I get my marbles back and next time we call keepsies or funzies before we play.
Cub #2: Agree.
Cub #1: Agree.
Now have the Cubs act out some scenarios that have been cropping up in the pack. Help them play the process until it becomes a normal routine. Support the Cubs by letting them know you are still available to help them talk out their problems, but try not to be too quick to solve their problems. With time and practice, the Cubs will learn the basics of resolving conflict.
Another way to involve the whole pack and relieve a lot of Cub stress is to create a Pack Code of Conduct. Cubs are quite aware of what is fair and equal and want you to enforce it. A sample "code" based on those in some local grade schools could look like this.
Try living up to this code to the Cub Law, Promise, and Motto. Talk about consequences and work out what fair punishment would be for breaking the rules. Recognize when the Cubs are doing a good job and be patient when bringing them in line with their own rules. With your guidance, they will have a powerful tool to resolve conflicts now and into the future.
Last edited: February 22, 2004
The NetWoods Virtual Campsite, Steve Tobin, Campmaster